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When you follow the wisdom of the world, you will end up warring like the world (James 3:13-18). Of all fights, family fights are the most painful and the most difficult to settle. Had Hagar maintained the attitude of a servant, things might have been different, but she became proud, and this irritated her mistress (Prov. 30:21-23).
“Having begun in the Spirit, are ye now made perfect by the flesh?” Paul asked (Gal. 3:3), and you see this illustrated in Abraham’s home. He and Sarah had begun in the Spirit when they put their faith in the Lord, but now they had turned to the flesh for help, and some of the works of the flesh were starting to appear (Gal. 5:19-21). Abraham, Sarah, and Hagar were at war with one another because they were at war with the Lord, and they were at war with the Lord because they had selfish desires warring within their own hearts (James 4:1-10).
The first thing they should have done was build an altar, worship the Lord, and tell Him their problems. They should have confessed their sins and received His gracious forgiveness. Once you stop fighting with God and with yourself, you will have an easier time not fighting with others. The first step toward reconciliation with others is getting right with God.
However, instead of facing their sins honestly, each of the persons involved took a different course, and this only made things worse. Sarah’s solution was to blame her husband and mistreat her servant as she gave vent to her anger. She seems to have forgotten that she was the one who had made the marriage suggestion in the first place. Abraham’s solution was to give in to his wife and abdicate spiritual headship in the home. He should have had pity for a helpless servant who was pregnant, but he allowed Sarah to mistreat her. He should have summoned them all to the altar, but he did not.
Hagar’s solution was to run away from the problem, a tactic we all learned from Adam and Eve (Gen. 3:8). However, you soon discover that you cannot solve problems by running away. Abraham learned that when he fled to Egypt (12:10ff.). There was peace in the home for a short time, but it was not the “peace of God.” It was only a brittle, temporary truce that soon would fail.