By Dondré Whitfield

A male’s first power is his physicality (i.e., warrior mode), but a Man’s true power is his vocabulary. His vocabulary is like a ring of keys for a locksmith. Each word holds the potential to unlock something in him or in someone else. His words are like a “protein” that builds someone up rather than a “kerosene” that burns someone down.

Every Man is like the firefighter of his home. He is responsible for putting out fires, which creates more calm so that the environment he is in does not turn into a chaotic towering inferno. While his job as a firefighter is to put out fires, he is first responsible for making sure that he himself is not on fire. A Man who is on fire will surely be challenged in not setting his own house on fire. As a firefighter, he has to wear flame-retardant clothing on his spirit to avoid being set on fire himself. He knows that if he is set on fire, he may set other people on fire as well. Remember, you are a firefighter; you are not a firestarter! Your job is to put fires out, not create them!

Now you may say to me, “Man, brother, that sounds good, but how in the world do I do that?”

I’m so glad you asked. I am happy to report that it is not something you really can do by yourself. I did not do it by myself. Like any firefighter, I have a team that helps me fight fires. It all begins with reminding myself of:

• God’s intention for my life,
• Christ’s example,
• and my band of brothers who hold me accountable.

My brothers all share a few things in common: they all are married (I have very few single friends because most of them want to do single male activities, and those things could negatively influence my walk as a married Man); they all have children; and they all believe in God.

That last fact is truly important because we need to have something that is greater than us to help anchor us down. Without something higher than ourselves, we can struggle mightily in the way of humility and accountability. Personally, I am a Man of faith. As a born-again believer, I find strength in Jesus Christ. He was a Man, in the flesh, who sacrificed himself, his very life, for the sake of saving others.

It sounds like Christ was a firefighter too. He is my everyday example of how committed I need to be to my faith and to my life as a Man. Christ is the model I mirror, and God is my anchor who keeps me calm and free from chaos. Apart from God, I can do few things great. The message of the Bible is clear that with man, things are impossible, but all things are possible with God (See Matthew 19:26). The Bible also says that “the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world” (see 1 John 4:4).

I need God in my life. I cannot maintain the disposition of manhood without him in my life. I cannot express to you what a relief it is to know that I don’t have to carry the weight of the responsibilities of husband, father, influencer, and son on my own.

I spend time in God’s Word receiving revelation for my life. The Bible is like my firefighting manual. Remember, I’m not selling you on religion; I’m selling you on instruction. The Bible gives me spiritual insights to apply to my life and then disseminate to others. I need to be shown the right way so that I can walk in it. One of my favorite proverbs is found in Proverbs 3:5–6 (TLB): “If you want favor with both God and man, and a reputation for good judgment and common sense, then trust the Lord completely; don’t ever trust yourself. In everything you do, put God first, and he will direct you and crown your efforts with success.”

When the Bible says “don’t ever trust yourself,” it means “don’t trust your flesh”—the part of you that is flawed and selfish. This is the part of us that has been shaped and informed by the world. It pulls us away from being the perfect design of our Creator. Each time I read that Scripture, it continues to bless me. If you grew up in church, you may have learned it in the NKJV:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.

And don’t get me wrong, that version is cool too. However, there is something great about a Word that warns me that I need to completely put my trust in God because if I do, I will be someone who has a reputation for good judgment and common sense, which will create opportunities for me to obtain favor with God and Man.

Whoa! Let me help you understand how impactful that is to me. I work in an industry where super-talented people go off the deep end and make decisions that damage their reputations. Most of this comes from feeling like they’re always in an environment of chaos, unable to feel calm or secure. But God is my measure of security who says, “You’re going to prosper, and I will increase you because I love you.”

Despite my work environment, my story does not have to be one of chaos and calamity. I have to depend on my faith in God and also work diligently as best I can. Thus we get the Scripture verse, “Faith without works is dead” (James 2:20), and this truth applies to everything in our lives and impacts us all. Faith isn’t just asking God for help. That’s part of it, but you’ve got to go out and do the work too. I cannot expect to simply ask God to give me favor and not honor his favor by working as diligently as he worked in creating this earth and giving me life.

This concept is crucial to me as a Man, because I cannot pray and then sit around waiting for God to reward me for doing absolutely nothing. The Living Bible says that if I put God first in everything I do, he will direct me and crown my efforts with success (see Proverbs 3:6). Focus on the word efforts. It simply but definitely implies that we have to “do” things along with having faith, and then we will be rewarded. That Scripture is better than a money-back guarantee. It ensures our success. (“Success” here is not the same as popular culture’s definition.)

This truth takes the pressure off me, since I know that my energy and effort are not isolated and that my Father’s promise of a blessed tomorrow will usher me into a place of calm. Our calm allows us to deal with our pain, which is the chief activator of chaos, and will enable us to heal so we don’t have to remain mentally and emotionally impaired and imprisoned.

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Adapted from Male vs. Man: How to Honor Women, Teach Children, and Elevate Men to Change the World by Dondré Whitfield. Now in softcover. Click here to learn more about this book.

Males look to be served. Men look to be of service.

Emmy Award–nominated actor best known for his role on Queen Sugar and transformational speaker Dondré Whitfield challenges us to be real men in this provocative look at the power found in serving others.

Male vs. Man is an uplifting playbook for men who want to level up. It will help men and women alike understand what real manhood is, based on biblical wisdom as well as hard-earned lessons from someone who has been there. With practical guidance and a strong spiritual foundation, Dondré shows how to cultivate the life-changing spiritual, emotional, and psychological attributes of servant leadership at home, at work, and in our communities.

Too many males abuse the power they have.

Often those males grow up without healthy role models and so, while they look like men, they act like boys. Only now there are adult consequences to their actions.

And many of us are caught in the shifting cultural ideas about manhood, unsure of how to make sound decisions or truly be a man. Every day we find evidence that the role of men at home, at work, and out in the world is deeply misinterpreted.

In Male vs. Man, Dondré Whitfield equips us to become men rather than simply “grown males.” Men are healthy and productive servant-leaders who bring positive change to their communities. Males are self-serving and stuck in negative cycles that we hear and read about daily. They create chaos instead of cultivating calm.

Dondré Whitfield is a veteran actor, a three-time Emmy award nominee, and and a three-time NAACP Image award nominee. He has appeared with such celebrated actors as John Travolta, Helen Mirren, David Oyelowo, Michael B. Jordan and Kevin Hart among many others.

Off-camera, Whitfield is passionate about helping address the challenges and pressures of masculine identity in the 21st century. He co-created The Manhood Tour, a global movement committed to awakening the consciousness of men, giving them the keys to effective and impactful leadership, and teaching them how to tap into their talents and live to the highest degree. He has traveled throughout the country speaking on behalf of the movement, inspiring youth to overcome distractions and modeling for young men and peers the concept of servant leadership and what it truly means to “be a man.” He is currently Ambassador for Delta Airlines’ annual Dream Flight and Ambassador for the PGA’s Beyond the Green mentoring program for youth and college students.

Whitfield and his wife, actress and director Salli Richardson-Whitfield, live in Los Angeles with their two children.

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